***FULL DISCLOSURE*** thats fairly close. Im boning Jason Alexander.

Jake Arrieta is the man you are describing.

i think all our husbands look like that.

my type is bald(ing) guys with facial hair and glasses. Kind of soft in the body with good arms. yep, sexy.

.......coffee.

This is literal truth. My husband is classicly Iowa Nice and I cant wait for him to be blown away with the crappy, couldnt-give-a-rats server attitude when we visit my home in Melbourne.

OI!!! I resent that comment. Regardless of how true it is and how insufferable we are on the topic.

The best thing about Jezebel is you are all so c*nty and sarcastic about losers who deserve it. It makes me smile every time

because: hipsters. Somehow, AirBnB has transmorgified into the prefferd way to stay, like hotels are hideous and staying in a “home away from home” is like staying in some glorious slice of heaven.

right?!?!? Imagine being that kid when he’s older: “yeah, my mum was fairly neglectful. I mean, I was being fed by the neighbours dog for awhile when I was two.”...... “What do you mean ‘fed by the dog’”....... “well......”

So the fucking dog had better maternal instincts than the mother. Jesus H. Christ. But this is the thing about animals: they are bloody delightful, incredibly caring and wonderful beings.

I hate all kids except for my own and I love the absolute bollocks out of that little kid. I want to squish him and hug him and make all his dreams come true.

umm, the fun forest babysitter? Can I like you anymore? That is the nicest thing ive heard all week (and my dog spoons my cat, and fun forest babysitter beats that).

Can I just point out that she sounds like the most chillest and nicest mum in the universe? Her kids are all “waaa waaa waaa”, her husband is all “blah blah blah” and she’s all “let the animals enjoy playing in our backyard”. *sigh* I’d like her to bring me a nice hot soup next time im feeling sick on the couch and…

sick burn bro. Im glad you had it all written out for delivery too.

True.

This has given me the giggles. I feel its the combination of “Jared’s Pants Dance”, the stone faced reporting of same and a slight hangover that has caused it.

hey, just because you think the card is fine, doesnt mean the rest of the world doesnt see it for what it is. You do you man, and we’ll keep finding you insufferable. Its all good in the hood.

other than being bitchy and pretentious you mean? So, other then everything that makes the card a crap idea, the card is fine.

Because the people who make your food and drinks for you are people, and as people, we communicate with words. If you have your wife’s order written down, then explain to the server “ok, my wife is a bit more paticular, so im going to read out what she’s written here, is that ok?” instead of smugly handing over a card…