Draymond Green’s a dick-and-balls-kicking asshole but he’s also right a lot of the time. For every can’t miss prospect like LeBron or KD or Zion, there’s a dozen guys every year who have the potential to have long, productive careers in the NBA and never get it because they don’t land in a situation that’ll help them…

He’s not wrong. Of course then the Knicks are out here wondering how certain teams keep getting lucky all the time. Truly a mystery. 

Peterson finished with 118 yards rushing on 23 carries, and he fumbled on the two yard line

I would have gone a slightly different route. I’d agree to call him “doctor” but I’d tell him that his real last name will never, ever be used. He’d have to basically choose between maintaining our previous arrangement or constantly being referred to as “Dr. Feelgood,” “Dr. Nick Riviera,” “Dr. Demento,” “Dr. Mengele,” …

I’m an adult I should be able to call him Bob (or Dickhead) if I want. Do you agree?

While the knee definitely helps your cause in this case, you gotta remember that these pitchers run for MILES as part of arm maintenance. They might not be killing the 40 times but they run for an hour easily and I assume that stamina would be the main downfall for couch puds like us.

I was gonna say Bartolo Colon, but honestly? I couldn’t outrun Bartolo Colon. I mean, I definitely probably-could- but I wouldn’t want the guy to feel bad. He’s given me so much joy! I’d throw the race. I hope you’re happy, Bartolo.

Good job preemptively naming Bo Jackson, and can we also stipulate Barry Sanders?

Maybe he should have disguised it as a United States Treasury bond.

Power rankings, which remain analytics for people who can’t count and don’t intend to start learning now,

I’m sure the million ethnic Muslim Ugyhurs residing in the Xinjiang re-education camps will be happy to hear about the NBA’s commitment to Chinese fans as they assemble for their 5 a.m. re-education seminar. It will make their morning rice gruel taste so much sweeter.

“Florida Boomer” really frames the story by conveying the proper mix of “get off my lawn!” and “divorced guy energy” to motivate someone to endanger the lives of innocents because of a trivial annoyance. 

A psychopath tries to kill people, and your first response is Whataboutism?

Some of the comments here are goddamned appalling. It’s OK to hate on scooters - a visit to DC convinced me of how terrible an idea they are. But cutting brake lines its grotesque and its a bit of a miracle no-one was killed. If you sympathize with that then frankly, there’s something wrong with you.

You know for sure after that photo was taken he circled the ‘health insurance’ and wrote: ‘there’s your tip!!!’ 

“Look, all I’m saying is, if you run the numbers, 3/5 is a reasonable compromise if you look at purchasing power.”

I refuse to read that chain and I don’t post on Twitter, but has anybody pointed out that similar to his examples, whatever he’s paid by ESPN is definitely many times too much?

This is so stupid. He’s saying free market price but the describing a theoretical price that HE IS COMING UP WITH and saying it’s too high.

Agreed - the fat lipid hypothesis has been thoroughly crushed at this point.  Also you can totally have all my pickles.