Unbelievably, I had to correct this from “100% TRUMP supporter” to “110% TRUMP supporter.” 

Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.

It’s good because I knew from the start that is was coming, and it still managed to deliver. “Turf toe” was perfect pitch. The Magary-style aggressive capitalization works, too.

Be a man!

I know exactly how Andrew Luck feels. I mean, I don’t have a degree from Stanford or a bunch of athletic ability or millions of dollars or a super-high IQ. But I have been booed by people in Indianapolis. And my boss does a lot of drugs.

It is not a sport for weak men. He never should have taken all that money if he knew he was just going to run away from the sport, with his tail between his legs, because he got a couple of booboos. Football is for real MEN and not these entitled CHILDREN who want their paychecks without giving it everything they…

“Everybody wishes they could be healthy all the time,” said Tom Brady. “It is a contact sport and he’s certainly had his fair share of injuries, so guys retire at different times. I’m sure Luck’s choice of retiring now in the height of nightshade season is coincidental. Maybe he’s just dehydrated.”

Andrew Luck 2012: *Takes a sack* Great job, man. Insane hustle. You really got me.

Andrew Luck 2019: You even just look at the ceiling and wish you could stop existing? Like, not die, but just POOF and cease being altogether. Maybe it’s nothing but motionless, soundless black. Complete emptiness. Nothingness. But it’s…

Thank you for staying laser focused on sports by breaking down his swing. I’d be upset if I was tricked into reading about international geopolitical events on Deadspin.

“The Lions won the NFL championship three times between 1952 and 1957. Since then, 18 head coaches have guided them into this never-ending pit of despair.”

I’m not typically one to cast aspersions on people I don’t know, but if Dan Dakich’s family member is dealing with chronic work-related injuries, has earned $100 million in the last seven years, and has a degree in architectural design from Stanford, then he’s an idiot for continuing to show up every day at the steel…

If there was a young man in literally any other profession who made $100 million before he was 30 and decided to retire, he would be lauded. The Wall Street Journal would write thousands of words of wankery praising his acumen and smarts and god bless America.

I guess you could say Indy's luck has........run out.

Barry is Kramer

I usually go with: “Hey, how do you know so-and-so?” But I wish it were socially acceptable to open conversations with a stranger by asking “Hey, what’s your deal?” Not aggressively or anything... I just want to know people’s deals.

“How do you feel about the Oakland A’s?”

I unfollow anyone who does a tweet that bothers me in any way and I also unfollow anyone who retweets anything annoying into my timeline. Quitting Twitter would be ultimately be better, but this half-measure does improve the situation.

Take it from me, the Deadspin staffer with the most tweets: quitting Twitter is always a good idea.

What’s your favorite album and/or song from this first 2/3 of 2019?