My father, an avid football fan and gambler, gave me this advice on his deathbed.

I’m sure MANY Arizonans are excited for the debut of the Kliff Kingsbury Kardinals. Can’t wait to see the endzone signs.

Old guy says players don’t have the same fundamentals as they used to...story at 11!

I’m waiting for the day when the header is just a black rectangle.

I think the bigger issue is that The Process was meant to emulate OKC’s success in the lottery, and they’re running into some of the same issues: not enough touches for 3 great players and the two best young draft picks kinda quietly hate each other.

It’s like those discount baskets of bread you find at the supermarket. Sure, you’re getting a deal, but then the baguette calls you a pussy and you realize why it was so easy to acquire.

quickly scanned looking for my name.

Five black coaches gone.  

Seriously. And don’t forget, Bush was famous for wearing out Secret Service agents trying to keep up with him on his mountain bike in 100 degree Texas heat. Dude could ride hard for hours.

Meanwhile Trump’s fitness level is “guy that stands on airport moving walkway.”

No way Trump dodges a shoe. He doesn’t have the reflexes. Jabba the Hut has a better chance of dodging a shoe. Trump is a sitting duck for a Florsheim Facial.

My hermit brother tripped on the carpet.

You can have an addiction to anything so yes, addiction to marijuana.

Thank goodness. This means I can stop calling up random Williams-Sonoma employees and yelling at them. 

In that whole thread, there is only one reply that comes with the “This media may contain sensitive material” warning.

The more praise for Drew I see in these columns, the more I worry. 

Can we get an official update on Drew? You don’t have to get into specifics or anything, just a simple “he is doing better should be back soon” would be nice.

Now I have an image in my head of Alec Baldwin’s CNR impression delivering a clearly terrified DJT to Yankee Stadium in an out of control carriage as Ivana cackles in delight. WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY TO ME

Melania: Shipping order.

Seriously, that’s the most saccharine thing that’s ever been written at Deadspin, and also by far the most frightening. Get well Drew.

There are many things to love about Drew, but the thing I love the most about him is how effusively he lives his life