I kept wondering if “Normal Person’s Guide to Preparing for a Marathon” was one of those logic puzzles Kirk uses to mess up a machine intelligence.

Not to nitpick, but an actual Normal Person’s Guide to Training for A Marathon would just consist of “Don’t.”

To me, this is just called “sex.”

Can just imagine the noise of my head hitting the pipe trying to go under one of those things.

Drink an amount of water that seems obsessive and unnecessary to most people

No, you must ban together against the Olds.

What’s tongue in cheek about shitting on the worst person you know?

because shoes designed by non-experts and produced on a small scale probably suck to run around and jump in?

Stopped talking to my family.

Decided that relationships don’t have to be difficult or painful to be deep and important.

Jonah Muniz, Mabel Gondres, and Lorrie Pearson discuss their findings with local authorities.

Dude, cast iron with a chainmetal scrubber to clean and you are good to go. You don’t need other pans. Once you figure out how not to ruin one, you will continue not ruining it and using it for everything.

Best sports hair past and present:

You just *know* that the studio really wants a white guy. And that all this “we can’t find a guy after 2000 auditions” is just cover for when they announce that Aladdin will be played by Hugh Jackman.

I assume Jake Gyllenhaal is busy?

Boy, are you in for a treat!