Congratulations to new Wizards GM Joey Chestnut!

Word the street is that he’ll sign for the vet minimum with whichever team’s GM can win the Coney Island hot dog eating contest.

(ahem) Kawhatch

Equivalating Emmett Till with a serial killer is certainly something

Yeah but how often do those better contexts only reach people who already know who he is?

Your expertise in this particular area is appreciated

AD, 35yo Lebron and Kyrie are definitely a trio you can count on having all of at the same time for most of the year.

Hey guys it’s me Kyle, can I be the party dude? It’s fine if I just do machines tho

I’ll grant that he still exists, though I think whether he was ever “alive” per se is up for debate.

Wow I would never have pegged Kissinger as a Burning Man guy.

I didn’t even get to the winter vs. summer take, which is objectively correct. Even if I were allowed to just wander the streets naked, I wouldn’t want to have to spend that much money on sunscreen. Winter rules, I can walk miles and miles without sweating.

[18-wheeler starts to spin out on highway]

Look, I’m not a mandated reporter, but I will call the ASPCA

Barry, I appreciate your willingness to throw gas on the fire of not one (Mayo) but two (Cats v Dogs) debates that aren’t work a small fraction of the internet space that they’ve taken up.

If Justin Beiber pays the Lakers $5m to be their 12th man, does that go back into the salary cap?

Excited to buy my official Raies hobo bindle so I can ride the rails in style.

“And he didn't even bow!"

Kyrie: Hey, now that you’re leaving Boston, we can team up in Brooklyn and...

This is all just painfully embarrassing