I absolutely love you.

Agree.

Just yesterday I had a chocolate submarine launched by my toddler. I pulled her out of the tub and pulled the drain, nudging the log closer to the drainhole with an empty TP spool, but when it finally went down it clogged the tub completely. I only panicked for a few seconds though, when I realized that if I added…

This is the first thing I thought of:

Could this be a Swedish Pickleball demonstration sport promo video? #tokyo2020

Did you notice the pegs? Freestyle possibilities!!

Y’all Qaeda > Vanilla ISIS

..Coming soon to a Borders Books near you:

You pulled it off! Reminds me of the time I got pulled over very late at night at the tail end of a low-dose acid trip. The cop asked me a few questions, I was calm and straightforward so he let me go. At the very end he suddenly asked me “Hey, why are your pupils so dialated?” I said “I’m just tired” and drove off…

I love how prosecuted looks so much like prosciutto. It makes me think of Hollywood’s version of the mafia.

“It’s supposed to “plop satisfyingly” and features the following ingredients:”

Dear guy, perhaps I can help your life:

I’d dismissed that as being too obvious. I like WBC(heese) better. *hands over ears “lalalalala”*

This is a halloween costume, right? Westboro Baptist Cheese? I can’t figure it out.

That electrical sensitivity thing happened to me on acid once. It was only one hit of LSD, and not a very strong one, so I had altered perception but I still had my wits about me. I was walking home through a suburban neighborhood at night and as I passed a power transformer up at the top of a telephone pole, I could…

Why only 11 at a time? That does not sustain my appetite for scary. How about delivering these in 100-paks?

What would happen if a robot played with a ouija board? What about a cyborg? What if the cyborg was only 25% human and 75% mechanized? Is 25% enough flesh and life-force for a supernatural creepy to latch onto? What if astronauts played with a ouija board in outer space? Say... in orbit around Saturn? These are real…

They’d better win the draw!