Even worse?

Heightened sense of smell

Tony Romo is an elite quarterback.

...that Michael Jordan’s father was killed by the mafia due to his inability to pay off gambling debts

That William Randolph Hearst had congress make weed illegal so that the hemp paper mills had to shut down and all the newspaper companies had to buy his wood-pulp paper.

Stevie Wonder isn’t blind

There’s no way Lee Harvey Oswald acted or shot alone in JFK’s assassination.

Maybe be a little more defensive next time.

Ultimately, DraftKings’s own decisions are a powerful argument for regulating daily fantasy.

I’m gonna go start my own daily fantasy site. With hookers. And blackjack. Eh, screw the site and the blackjack.

Watch the flood of comments decrying the Seahawks for being ‘sore losers’ or some such bullshit, rather than the fact that they took the time to specifically contact a division rival to warn them about the shitty turf and inform them what solution worked for them.

Not good news for the staff of Electoral College Gameday.

He said he was initially shaken by the incident and in a bit of shock, but since he wasn’t injured, he decided not to let it ruin his powder day.

CAN SOMEONE TEACH ANDY REID HOW TO CALL A FUCKING TIMEOUT

“We weren’t hiring a line cook here – we were hiring a head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles...”

Well, this will be a black eye on the organization

Normally, when I read “hair pull,” “buttcatch,” and “Roethlisberger,” I assume I’m reading a police report.

go back to boring us with your soccer deadcast takes, you fucking commie

The purpose of the article is to express the opinion that this dude may well have no pages.