I had chocolate coconut milk ice cream earlier today.

Probably. He would have gone on The Voice, but he’s a little horse.

Loling at the idea of Russian billionaires paying millions to African American lesbians playing basketball. Neverrrrr gonna happen over there.

Which is why to most people the former smoker is the most boring person in the room

I quit smoking the night I had a heart attack. I was 47 and had been smoking for 30 years. It was one in the morning, I was putzing around on the computer and I knew something was wrong. I filled my beloved dog’s bowls with extra food, cleaned the toilet in case I died and she ran out of water and then sat down on my…

I always thought I would quit smoking by the time I was 30 but now I’m 28 and that magical transition to adulthood and maturity and reponsibility still hasn’t happened to me and I’m rationalizing my ass off. ‘Well, shit, maybe I’ll have died of lung cancer by 30 and I won’t have to worry about quitting.’

They also appeared on Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta. Don’t judge me.

what if it was the only thing to survive the apocalypse and humans were forced to rebuild society with Selfish as their only guide? What would the universe look like if the only guide were the selfies of Kim Kardashian? Your move, Margaret Atwood, your move.

Famous people!

Not sure if it counts, because it wasn’t my actual senior portrait. But it was the picture in my senior yearbook that accompanied my little bio/achievements/senior quote blurb. I had been sitting in the senior lounge and one of the yearbook crew came by and snapped a picture before I realized what she was holding.…

I don’t have a copy of my senior portrait but it wasn’t that bad...no regrets or anything.

Not gonna lie- my senior photo was good. My photo from Junior year was the stuff of Buzzfeed Worst 80’s Hair Days dreams. Not posting it. But!

I was in my volleyball sweatsuit but the back drop my mother chose was of a fucking beach.

Fun fact: I can shove my whole jaw into my “clavicle pit”. Yeah. I was not actually sexy.

THAT SHOULDER.

My portraits were fine (despite the fact that it was 1990 in podunk Utah) however, in the final yearbook, there was a splotch right below my nose, so it kind of looks as if I have a black booger hanging out my nose. Good times!

Brilliant.

I wasn’t at school during what would have been my senior year, but the pictures of me from that time make me look like a missing cast member from The Craft.

You’re making me want to scan mine. It wasn’t a bad picture but my hair is amazingly big. As wide as my shoulders and I’m not particularly dainty.