Exactly - those were on Stubhub for $12.50 a pop!

Delightful turn of phrase, well played you bastard...have a star!

Jameson’s neat, please...

Give ‘em heil! +1

Yeah, catch and release, please...

Glad to see the NFL didn’t buckle under the pressure from Vice President Pence and book Up With People...

THIS Conor McGregor would’ve beaten Mayweather....

(I was going to post a picture of Tom Brady, but for whatever Kinja-reason, I can’t do that no more)

Next Director of the FDA? DONE.

Hey, if I saw a table with a Mac 9, I’d be scared, but then again, I’m not usually shitfaced drunk in public - I mean I’m definitely drunk, but not “completely trashed”

This is clearly the most logical solution here.

I take direction for all my stances on current issues from NFL owners - I anxiously await Jerry Jones’ thoughts on immigration. It’ll be illuminating, I’m sure.

I tried to get ALKOHOLICA 24/7 on my personalized license plate, but no go - think I'll order bumper stickers

Sesamiasiago?

Yeah, must’ve been the onions on my sandwich at lunch - can’t stop crying, but it’s a happy cry today.

I would gladly attend this event - please schedule.

Bagels, ranked:

I WOULD TOTALLY WATCH THAT....but not a 5 hour match as it’s payed now

Sadly, the video is in slow motion so 37 seconds is really just one play

His neck is certainly one gargantuan monkey fist....