no lie, doing lines of coke off a dude’s V line is better than actually doing coke.

that’s the WORST when it’s like, 15 minutes later NOW you decide to jump in and help?

Thanks Obama Vagina

They climb ropes! JUST LIKE US.

super high sex has been some of my favorite

took brownies with my ex once and i giggled the entire way through her orgasm

And weed makes you sooo horny. Also sometimes I want a quickie then my vagina will lazily lubricate itself after I’m done.

Right. She doesn’t really chase him down, merely trots up behind him like, ‘dude, if I ran after you I might pass you too fast.’

repressed mormon sexuality will do a lot to you i’m learning

Do you think Carlton would be upset or pleased at the prospect of a black Tom Jones? This is an important question people.

Having ancestry you didn’t know about? It’s not unusual.

I did not wake up this morning thinking I would like Ariana Grande, yet here we are.

Good for her. I’ll just pretend that she was being interviewed by Crazy Ira and The Douche.

After what happened on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, a lot of married actors were reportedly not allowed to make movies where Angie was the lead love interest.

I love that this year, a number of the scariest stories centered on non-ghost incidents. The modeling gig... the poisoned uncle... a woman buried alive... a madman in the basement... Sometimes the spookiest stories are the ones about other humans.

The close call with John Wayne Gacy blew me away.

I think he secretly wanted to get arrested, otherwise he wouldn’t have been sitting like that.

Sorry dude, maybe if you didn’t want to get caught you should have kept your legs shut.

There are so many things we have asked from Seymour and I cannot even count how many things he has done. Some probably find it stupid, have some reason for why it happens and such but during the last hurricane our house had not a scratch on it. Not one. Not even a branch downed from our numerous oak trees. The houses…

This truly happened to me, and maybe I should have contacted the police about it but I didn’t. I try not to think about it.

Not scary at all but an update for those of you who remember my story from last year about our friendly ghost named Seymour: