Kardashian that everyone called the fat ugly bastard child is suddenly a health freak, everyone acts fucking surprised.

Well, he did just get out of rehab, so that’s probably why he didn’t do that.

Anyone who is a Beachbody “coach” is a body bore. They deluge their Facebook posts with constant discussion of health and fitness, photos of their gross dinners (it’s dry broccoli with a side of lentils - no one cares), condescending updates about how you need to care more about your body, selfies of them after…

I am 30 today. I’ve decided my birthday resolution is to be Helen Mirren.

My local dispensary was giving out free jolly ranchers and I was like “Oh, it’s a jolly rancher, nbd!” I took it and in the two blocks it took me to walk home, I completely lost my fucking mind. My friends were at my house because we were cooking dinner together and I could not. fucking. move. They put me on the couch…

Any edible that’s overly strong would just make someone completely zonk out in their personal hell of Maureen Dowd-style “Did I die and nobody told me?

And they always seem to elide the most interesting parts about mob history, like the fact that in the ‘30’s and 40’s they were pretty much running the gay bar scene in Greenwich Village.

You’re wrong, but I forgive you.

Hey this was me except I didn’t total my car I just cut off a cop and was arrested and sang Where did you sleep last night while drunk and shackled to a bench in a romper.

hah, welcome to the dark side. I’ve been sober for 9 months and once you get over the "ugh, this is boring" bit, you realize how TOTALLY AWESOME SOBRIETY IS

Apparently I’m stalking you now, I keep replying to your comments on different posts. Anywho, I am 20 months sober and it is amazing. I can’t believe how long I lived in the fog.

Good for you! Yes, I have had so many instances like this. And it’s not boring! It makes you a better person to hang out with. Who wants to hang out with the wasted person drinking Jim Beam through a straw?

Congrats on your sobriety. It gets less boring, I promise.

I just quit drinking, there was a night where I remember doing shots without my hands by putting my whole mouth over the shot glass. Not sure if it was something I did because it was easier or if I wanted to see if I could. Another time I woke up with a bottle of Jim Beam on the floor with a straw in it, I still have…

For fuck’s sake. The only time this “parenting technique” will work is if the kid dies. So congratulations. He’ll never drink again.

Totally off subject. But I am feeling super down tonight. Just really alone and hopeless.

I get what you are saying but I actually really like what she said because maybe there can be different sorts of parents. And we live in a world where lots of people who aren’t biological parents raise children they didn’t give birth too. Some do it for family, for their spouses previous relationships and some…

How about I am a mother?

I got hit on by a recruiter from LinkedIn. We were discussing a position that would be a huge step up for me and then he sent me this.

RUDE.