Taking a silent and respectful knee during the national anthem is "taking it too far" for these people, so fuck 'em.

I’m a first responder. We use a fancy HeartStart machine that does basic EKGs and can also deliver a shock. I was actually surprised when I found out that it can really only look at issues on the left side of the heart, which is where men typically have problems. Women are more likely to have right side issues. From…

Hey, what better to add to cunnilingus than to add in time pressure to see which of you will get tired first?

If anything good comes out of this shithole of a presidency, it’ll be that people as citizens and major corporations alike will have to choose a side. Amazon, Facebook, etc., either allow this shit to perpetuate and let it be known that money is more important to them than anything else or they will shut this down and…

Aw, it warms my heart that he asked that! And not in the child-resulting-from-government-experiments-slowly-burning-me-from-the-inside kind of Stephen King way, just the regular way

How did we go from that to this? I feel like Hamlet screaming at his mom.

Eat it standing in front of the open fridge door.

My question is: Did he go out and buy a new nazi flag or did he just have one lying around?

I had a friend with a cat called, “Steve from Accounting”

Archduke Franz Ferdinand

I look forward to our bright future where I can have a plastic gun but not a plastic straw. Priorities. 

Minnesota winters are harsh but, damn, are the summers glorious.

I can smell the Drakkar Noir through my monitor.

Thank you, Thomas Markle, for the reminder that it’s ok that I have minimum contact with my parents, even as they are getting older and in bad health. My dad regularly throws the accusation at me that I just think that I’m better than the rest of the family and that I’m embarrassed by them when that thought has never…

I started a new job in mid May that I’m not entirely qualified for.  My boss moved up my 90 day review (which was originally scheduled for August 14) because he wanted to let me know what a difference I have made to the company, how impressed he is with how quickly I've learned, and how much easier I have made his…

I’m old enough to remember when Billy Ocean preached a move towards safety, as the nation’s ladies incrementally removed themselves from my dreams, securing themselves comfortably within my conveyance.

Bangers and mash...

I have this...kinja’d invisible shirt that says Fuck The Colorblind

This is what my favourite gym shirt says to that

“Muriel’s Wedding”?