“We will conduct training for our employees so they better understand, recognize and deliver an inclusive, equitable and entertaining experience to our guests.”

“Garbage person does garbage thing, again.”

I need the respect and admiration of everyone at Subway. Thanks for this.

“Dakota Johnson plays Anne Elliott with a bit of Fleabag flair, in that she breaks the fourth wall often.”

Loser. I like people who don’t fall down the stairs and die, okay?

Hey, what if the Machine is...humanity? Huh? Huh? Get a hose to clean up your blown mind.

Headline should read “is”, not “if,” yes?

Twitter is gonna regret not having his baby. It’s the hottest trend going.

I have taken the Portland to BC route, round trip, in economy. Cannot recommend eating edibles enough. A lot of edibles.

Oh that’s a better take than I had, which was vaginas.

SHUT UP I’m not crying, you’re crying.

“Comedy superheroes”? Really?

In light of all my thoughts and prayers when this happened last time, I don’t understand why it’s still happening. I mean, I thought AND I prayed, it wasn’t a half assed efffort.

Remeber when Monica made her that name tag, and it read “Reichel”? That was the first clue...

Yet my suggestion to Pepperidge Farms to go with “Take it, take it all, now swallow - Mint Milanos” wasn’t considered “on point” with the brand. Whatever.

Agreed. In some ways, I blame the parents for not arming the 5 year old.

“No, I haven’t, and you should smile more” - Rich Juzwiak

It’s for the children!

Ah, Wu Chung, the less celebrated brother of the more popular Wang Chung, which everyone is doing tonight.

Don’t forget about his performance as alcoholic Uncle Ned in that one very special episode of Family Ties. FIFY.