It’s not that I’m not thrilled to read yet another story about this white guy falling from grace or whatever, but Lee Scratch Perry died, and he did more to make our world better than this cocksucker will do in his life. Maybe try focusing on something other than white men doing bad shit every 3rd piece.

How about a piece on the passing of Lee Perry? Not that another story on Drake isn’t....another story on Drake. 

Universal put it out without my approval as well.

But I made you this mixtape with DaBaby, Ted Nugent, Marilyn Manson and Hank Williams Jr. Come back, it’s really...something.

So, Big Soda is discriminating against these parasitic worms by NOT allowing them to live on soda cans? Pray tell, where else are Matt Gantz and his friends supposed to live? Thanks Obama! 

Yes, fingers crossed. 

What about the cast of G.L.O.W, except they are all on a plane that time travels or...something. 

Two tickets please. 

I’m sorry about your Mom. 

Limp Dickey Mouse

If the question is “Who wants to push Kimye in front of a train?”, the answer is me. Twice. 

The only thing I know about Camila Cabello is when she sang that sexy song to her much older boyfriend at the Grammys. The Cinderella movie she’s promoting wasn’t made for me. as I am a human with eras and eyes, and it features James Corden, making it an instant, insistent no. All love to Billy Porter though.

Thankfully, I don’t have a photo of a Bishop’s dick to post. You are welcome. 

Great piece! I knew a guy in college who had nearly the same experience, provided you swap “ramen” for “cocaine”, and “Japan” for “Columbia”. RIP, Tommy the Cokehead. 

Thanks for ruining the ending of my spec script “The Underdog Good Time Bunch Go To Camp”, asshole.

“This is for DADDY, hokay? Daddy, he, he works hard for all of you all, and, and you let Daddy have this, cause I’m tired and this is for ME, not for you.” 

“Oh the Twin Towers, they’ve been greatly shortened

Actually, there’s something worse than a Bishop’s finger....far worse. 

You can thank Phil, Aldi’s alcoholic cheese monger for these atrocities.

I mean, considering what he was wearing, he should have expected as much.