Artie Lange once ran a 100 yard dash in an 80 yard gym.

The Oakland Raiders: 40 percent of a football team on 80 percent of a football field.

So an exchange rate of 1.25? That's about right. 

You take such a large collection of white men and put them in a place, you’re gonna get a solid display of just the worst fucking facial hair you’ve ever seen.  

Given the Sandusky/Paterno thing and the Pennsylvania Catholic Archdiocese scandal it’s apparent to me that the people of western (only western?) Pennsylvania are totally okay with child molestation. They do not see the problem with raping children and deserve any and all misery heaped upon them.

Missed the WYTS deadline for this year, but four weeks ago the corporate entity that I pretend to work at while they pay me a meager wage decided to bring in a celebrity speaker to get us excited about filling out our TPS reports. Being Chicago, they hired Mike Ditka. After a painful incoherant 15 minute speech, that…

Next up: Philadelphia Eagles.

In the AHL

Name fucking checks out. Jesus Christ.

There’s the Greg Popovich school of player engagement, respectful dialogue, and motivation, which see the game they play professional as ultimately still a game, with important other topics to discuss, engage upon, and make efforts upon.

Forehead in Ohio

It’s important to lose the right way.

What a fuckin loser. I mean if anything, if you want to have a team that’s gonna win, then you should be supporting your players, not antagonizing them. Especially brother to brother and especially doing it for the owner. Dude definitely isn’t gonna have the respect of the team, but I suppose they would rather lose…

Tomorrow it’s strictly Crosby, Nash and Young

I would have dropped my towel just so I could bend over and slowly pick it up to provide a real show.

I can’t be the only one who’s reached the point of gives-no-fucks that I start helicoptering my junk behind Facetime guy, right? 

“Get in the hole” at golf events is the worst. The golfer should be allowed to beat that person with their driver for yelling that after a drive. 

I need you to post some audio of your wife talking in Stupid Drew voice. Could she possibly read us the Bears version of Why Your Team Sucks?

“Recently I have noticed a lot of people responding to text messages using the “Thumbs Up” emoji. Every time I receive this as a response to a text message it makes me furious.”

I’m 34 and can’t tell if I’m just turning into the “get off my lawn” type of person. Please tell me I’m being rational.