I was at Union Square and City Hall (couldn't make it to AT&T Park), and it was amazing, you guys. So many people rooting for Batkid. I got a few photos, but mostly of other people's phones, unfortunately.

I've said it once and I will say it again until every single one of you man loving Jezzies out there agrees with me.

As someone with their full name attached to an old elfwood account they can't get rid of filled with a 13 year old's pencil drawings of unicorns and dragons - pleeeeaaaaaassseee don't google me before a date! I'm actually cool now I promise!

I was a total misanthropist until last year. I thought that the world was a place where only the most ruthless and amoral people would ever find success. A lot had gone wrong in my life but not nearly as much as was about to. See, my birthday present from the universe last year was an extremely aggressive form of…

When is the world going to aknowledge THIS GUY:

http://www.justice.gov/usao/can/news/…

It's amazing... I am a veteran combat engineer. I have seen so much misery throughout my life. A family torn apart by horrible tragedy. I never shied away from the fact that life has made me harder than I wanted to be. I feel emotions, yes. I display those emotions, sadly... not very often. Yet, I am sitting here with…

Bay Area WE FUCKING ROCK!

I might be tearing up at my desk!

I might as well just go to bed; I'm not getting over this today.

those eyebrows girl WERKKKK

I'm not a native speaker, but I was like "Isn't it making a mistake?"

I actually thing "you're doing a mistake right now" is going to become my catch phrase.

Can't apply logic to crazy.

He set her up at a luxury hotel. He took her on a once-in-a- lifetime, fairy-tale date. … Was Ms. Sabourin wrong to think that this was more than a one-night stand?

I think there's a fairly obvious answer to all of these:

Literally the only joke there that's at the expense of vegetarians is "they have bad farts". Are you insecure about your farts or something?

...sorry, I was just trying to help!

Sadly, this is nothing new to me. In college, the sororities would refer to me as "Scone Penis," because as soon as they tried to break off a piece, I made a huge mess all over their car.

Fivehead? I had not heard of that. Fuck you 21st century if I'd lived in medieval europe I would have been hot.