If you take how depressing a book is and divide it by the number of pages you obtain its D-Rho, depression density.

Fun (?) fact: Owls move their heads around like that because the feathers surrounding their eyes are extremely sensitive sound conductors (they "hear" more through those than their ears, and it's that sensitivity that lets them hear a mouse, under the snow, from a hundred meters away). They're moving their heads…

Like I always say, one person's "gawd no!!!!" is another person's "ew stop!!!!". Because there isn't really any other reaction for that grill.

How do you even get metal molds to look so realistically plaque-y?

Don't answer.

Like chellllloooooo Invisalign!

I was left shark before there was a Left Shark. I feel you!

Great. I'm probably going to have another weird sex dream about him tonight and I'm NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.

So does Paper Magazine regularly feature asses on their cover, because this image makes it twice in a row?

Srsly, the difference between this and his appearances in the last season of S0A is like...how is this even the same person. Makeup aside, DAMN.

All these years of him trying to shock and awe us. And all it would have taken was a smile.

He looks exactly like my friend Misty when she got super drunk at Grad Night and saw her ex kissing a girl from another school and cried through her mascara and wiped her eyes like "Whatever. I'm fine! Let's go on Space Mountain!" And then she threw up.

the lettuce down my shirt that started as a joke but then was there for reals :(((((((((((

My husband's explanation is that he spent his teen years in a group home, so it was eat fast or not at all. It served him well when we were in basic training. I, on the other hand, had to just eat with my hands. Utensils were a waste of time.

Regarding periods, this is fantastic, and everyone should watch it:

Deep, Pete Wentz. Very deep.

If I ever get the chance to hop in a time machine and go back to my freshman year of high school to change my "Away Status" message on AIM, I'm gonna use this gem. Everyone on my Friends List will relate so hard.

when your spouse goes to the bathroom, stinks it up, and you don't say anything #wifelife

True. Most depressing. I wonder how a child would recap.

I must eat like a man. I ordered shrimp and grits at a business lunch a few weeks ago, and it wound up being like an ice cream scoop of grits and four grilled shrimp. I seriously could have eaten it all in three bites. I slowed way down and still finished about five minutes before the other two at the table who had…