I'm sure Lisa Lampinelli will make some racist jokes about his racism, then try to excuse it all by claiming she loves black dick and the homosexuals. Whitney Cummings will scream mumble jokes about how much sex she has, then talk about the Beibs and sex, and Jeffery Ross will still be nearly as hated as Andy Dick.

Dakota who?

This kid is mad stupid for agreeing to be roasted. I don't believe he has the thick skin that a roast requires. Especially when you're being roasted by people who are not your peers.

Vivien Leigh could've generated chemistry with a MARBLE STATUE, come on

Shes kinda plain and vanilla

I know 5 women that look exactly like her. Two of these women I see very often and I still get them confused.

Um. What.

Gak!

That's the thousand-yard stare of a woman who was in an erotic scene where the dude removed her tampon from her.

I always love these interviews. The subject is always effortlessly cool/chic/casual. They always shop at little vintage shops that you've never heard of. They always meet up at some vegan cafe / gourmet burger / fair-trade organic kale bistro for the interview.

When Vogue interviews me, they'll be all,…

I'm also sure that the crew genuinely love her. Which is priceless and probably really good for her health.

That doesn't strike me as a bad deal at all if she has the money. A regular retirement home is $80,000 a year according to Google, and you don't get lobster or ballroom dancing every night at one of those.

The fact that you own and use guns affects all of us. Every last one of us. Firearms increase the risk that something terrible will happen for absolutely everyone.

I live in a wonderful country where guns are illegal. The chance of someone bringing a gun into my home is so miniscule as to be virtually non existent. It's pretty great.

Then you could teach her some actual gun safety in case she ever for when she inevitably stumbles across your firearm.

You know who's going to die from a gunshot wound in my house? No one, ever.

While I'm glad you're a responsible gun owner, I don't understand the need for people having guns in their homes. It's such an American need.

Or you could tell her that it is where you keep your gun locked up and that guns are for killing and you own that gun for shooting people dead. And that dead people are dead forever. Then you could teach her some actual gun safety in case she ever stumbles across your firearm.

Just riffing here.

You know the best way to avoid shit like this? Don't have guns.

Sometimes I feel that people like this go into a place LOOKING to make a federal case out of some small slight. All that agita over a seating arrangement and on top of it they had a $50 Groupon. They weren't going to be good customers anyway. The repugnant and repeated use of "retarded" as an insult makes me think…