Sigh. I remember when the Cowboys used to be notorious for smuggling vans full of marijuana, stabbing each other in the neck, doing crack with hookers, and masturbating in team meetings. More innocent times.

Ohio State Blackeyes

Not returning texts? “You, sir, have the boorish manners of a Yalie!”

Couldn’t wait longer than eight minutes to explain your joke?

Funny how no one who went to Harvard ever talks about their alma mater

Things I will always remember about Peanut:

How much you willing to pay for a sex tape of a high profile wrestler? Lol.

V. disappointed it isn’t $49,995.80.

Did you learn nothing from Entourage? We’re getting at least six seasons of Ballers.

+1 for the 4-eva

Maybe Ballers left Goodell feeling deflated.

And then I told Raw-ja to suck my deflated balls!! How you like them apples, you lousy New York fuck?q1!? Pats 4-Eva!

January 3, 1990

must be nice in the 1%

You know weird people.

Your fridge list is so far off. Ketchup has to be number one. Because you never throw it out until there is a new bottle. Because there is always the hope that one good shake will provide whatever amount you need.

As a casual fan who watches less and less baseball each year, this article taught me that Jake Peavy didn’t retire after winning a ring with the Red Sox in 2013. I guess I’d just sort of assumed....

It’s true- I definitely automatically feel a solidarity with people named Zukka. Unless they spell it the wrong way, with a ‘c’ or some such nonsense.

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