“last time i heard him yell that loudly at 3 in the morning was when he got his dick stuck in the blow up doll he keeps in the closet...fucking pervet” - Jay’s wife as she lights Marlboro Ultra Light dangling from her wrinkled lips

‘you know this is the first time ive really gave in’ - bryce harpers knee

this reminds me of a performance piece i did at the school of arts in czechoslovakia to raise awareness around birth control i titled ‘swimmer caught’

‘thats nothin’ - Tommy Lewis

the chick in the red is on pornhub

“yeah i dont give a shit about hockey” - Jesus Christ

i dont know what the fuck youre talking about...this song sounds like what i’d hear at my local baptist church before the offering plate is passed...FUCK

Executive producer: just cut to the live feed!

“Psssshhh...I’ll show you a real dive” - Chris Paul

roman candle shaming happens when any gang member is caught watching an episode of Seinfeld

“look...its summer and slow...we’re going to feature every womens world cup team and give an in depth break down like its the goddamn NFL playoffs...if anyone has a problem with this you can pack your shit and leave” - Deadspin head writer to the rest of the staff

im loosely basing this comment on personal experience growing up in Czechoslovakia and my father always on the (infamous) CzechSpin satirical website...i think its a major reason im gay now...always had tendencies but this really drove me to going down on men in old movie theaters in my teens

Get your cameras out of my house!

-1 (Boooooo)

i love how all the experts come out of the woodwork when a tennis article gets posted like theyre nick fucking bollettieri

at least hes in heaven sitting at the right hand of God Shammgod (RIP)

SON: Dad why are you always deadspin? Even at home you’re always scrolling through these stupid articles.

“or crab legs too, u know?” - Jameis

“oh, New Zealand is in our group!”