“yeah i dont give a shit about hockey” - Jesus Christ

i dont know what the fuck youre talking about...this song sounds like what i’d hear at my local baptist church before the offering plate is passed...FUCK

Executive producer: just cut to the live feed!

“Psssshhh...I’ll show you a real dive” - Chris Paul

roman candle shaming happens when any gang member is caught watching an episode of Seinfeld

“look...its summer and slow...we’re going to feature every womens world cup team and give an in depth break down like its the goddamn NFL playoffs...if anyone has a problem with this you can pack your shit and leave” - Deadspin head writer to the rest of the staff

im loosely basing this comment on personal experience growing up in Czechoslovakia and my father always on the (infamous) CzechSpin satirical website...i think its a major reason im gay now...always had tendencies but this really drove me to going down on men in old movie theaters in my teens

i love how all the experts come out of the woodwork when a tennis article gets posted like theyre nick fucking bollettieri

at least hes in heaven sitting at the right hand of God Shammgod (RIP)

SON: Dad why are you always deadspin? Even at home you’re always scrolling through these stupid articles.

“or crab legs too, u know?” - Jameis

“oh, New Zealand is in our group!”

“damn shes hot!” - Hank Baskett

i remember growing up watching Rebecca Sealfon do the most disturbing shit had ever seen (at the time) ...the pauses and erratic behavior was all building towards this moment

sexual assault aside...Marv Albert is my favorite white-commentator...they guy is steady like the ocean tide

XX PUTIN APPROVED XX

you don’t have to bring race into this, the fact they are black has nothing to do with their stellar skills as broadcasters

16 year old girl: why’d you stop peeing on me??

i began holding myself and woke my children to hide in the basement after that laugh...fuck me that was chilling

that was an ugly dong no doubt...dear jesus