I'm glad someone understands that "attached itself to the woman's face" is distinct from "started to attack her." I'll be sending this to that sassy librarian with whom I had a brief misunderstanding.

I remember when a dude fell and they said his snowsuit melted into his skin. BAD. ASS.

Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all

Really hope the United States Ski Jump team can get their shit together this year.

Pretty sure that you misread his tone. The concluding Potemkin reference should have been a dead giveaway. Nice lecture though.

Putin: You know what they say, comrade, a leopard can't change his spots.

The cameraman was evaluated at a local animal shelter, deemed unsafe for the public, and euthanized.

*cough*Detroit*cough*

Uh, there was an actual Supreme Court behind the tarp, wasn't there?

In fairness to Russia, US policymakers also covered several colossal screw-ups with a TARP.

Now that is a good idea

Stray coyote: [attaches ACME brand rocket to his back]

IT'S A TARP!

What's really mean is XXL if they start selling those shirts in Oklahoma City.

Dangerous face water: still tastes better than Diet Mountain Dew

Fuck you, Roy! That's plagiarism.

And I really love Snowball! No homo!

Twister was the first time I ever saw Hoffman and I will never forget thinking, "man, this guy is wayyyy too good for this movie."