I don’t have anything handy, but I’d wager that 90% or more of any index you’d care to find would suggest that your parents and their parents were, in fact, right. And you’re wrong. Objectively.

Living in Texas, basically if you have to walk further than the distance from the back of Home Depot to the back of the parking lot, it’s too far.

Unrelated: Houston is one of the fattest cities in the nation.

Surprise! A ten mile walk is a bad idea.

Yes, it’s the tomato troll.

This is the tomato troll.

Ah, it’s a tomato varietal (casa del sol)

It’s the tomato troll. Casa del Sol is a tomato variety.

Just order the pina colada already. They’re delicious.

Does changing a flat count? ‘Cause otherwise, yeah. I participate in a service-based economy and pay other people to change the oil.

wowo u can bench 105 for ten reps???

to be fair if I’m trying to not help my friends move i just wouldn’t pick up the phone

Incredibly, it sounds like there are several functioning adults right here in this comment section who never learned how.

I know how, but that’s besides the point here.

Super blunt words you guys, what the heck. That guy sounds like a dang frickin’ menace.

Step two is tank tops.

This is my new favorite excuse.

“Moving, you say? August? A whole pizza? Gosh I’d love to but I actually never learned how to drive so...”

Sure, but it’s not a conditional requirement for being a man.

I like to stay in the house and obsess over how much relaxation or vacationing I’m actually fitting into my precious time off. It helps to flit from activity to activity without actually committing to anything before giving up and watching basic cable while nervously raiding the pantry.

He shot himself in the head — I couldn’t find the source of being declared brain dead even though it was in the headline.

“It’s the man who makes the drink, not the drink who makes the man.”

True, I guess. I have to say that the upper tier of new american mixed cocktails - cucumber gin something, spicy margarita, sweet whiskey cocktail - they’re all basically “good”. And usually sweet.

Um, delicious?