Apsen Dakota sounds like an overprotected superhero whose power helps the needy roll over their 401ks.

Adults who treat Easter eggs hunts like a compitition are the fucking worst. Your special snowflake baby Apsen/Dakota isn’t going to be upset they don’t have the most eggs especially since their main hobby is shitting and drooling.

“Restaurant food was decent but I had to provide my own bread and wine. The next day I was nailed to a plank of wood and died. Would not recommend.”

Chuck Johnson also supports shitting in public so it's fine.

yougotsentenced.com

One time I knew a girl who almost slept with a guy before she found out he was a gamer and backed out just in time. I heard she called up her guy friends and they beat him up when he got off his shift at work. Gamers should come out and tell people up front about their lifestyle so they won’t have to take drastic…

This woman is the worst. To me this is the equivalent of leaving milk or orange juice in the fridge when there's not enough left for even half a serving, let alone a full one. Except it's worse because these are her water bottles as opposed to the house's water bottles so no one is going to come along, drink that…

Buy a Nalagene* for <$10, fill it from the faucet, high quality water...

Bottled water is abysmal, right up there with anti-vaxers in First World selfishness...

Refilling BTW lets all of your wash back germs hang out on the irregular inside surfaces of the low quality plastic, ready for them to grow as it sits in your…

Are you my wife writing under a pseudonym?

Really, I thought I was going to hear about buying a large plastic water bottle and then refilling it from a water cooler/fountain/sink a bunch of times until it gets sufficiently grody: label wears away, sticky label residue starts collecting lint, mouth of bottle has lipgloss stains, etc. Which is gross, but…

RECYCLE YOUR BOTTLES AFTER YOU USE THEM ONCE. The plastic is really not meant for more than single use.

I can't stop thinking about the MONNNEEYYYYYY

How thirsty can you be if you can't seem to finish a bottle of water? I would say you need moderate hydration. Also, your bladder will grow or shrink to accommodate your increased/decreased water consumption.

Sorrynotsorry, but please stop. Buy a reusable water bottle. Reasons:

My family Christmas dinners were sheet pizza and chicken wings because my Grandma didn't feel like cooking. I do associate greasy local sheet pizza with family gatherings, so maybe?

Heavens, no. You are required to have dry chicken breast or otherwise your marriage isn't legally binding.

Side note: I would love for you to get engaged to your dude for reasons of lifelong happiness, obvs, but also and mostly so you can report on the wedding-planning process for us.

ok, so: elsewhere on the Gawker family of web logs, I asked, "hey, would you ever have pizza at your wedding?"