Why she isn't taking over the Daily Show is beyond me. She should take over everything.

"I broke that man. I farted on him, he broke."

the cinderella story ended when Watching a Drunk Girl Yell At Her Boyfriend was bitterly defeated

My husband and I must be masters at this, but we always argue with the assumption that the other person might be right, and we might be remembering things incorrectly. It's amazing how quickly things can be resolved when you manage to give just that little bit of ground.

Here I sit, brokenhearted.

I can't be mad at this because I don't even know what the purpose of this is. Is it supposed to raise doubts in the mind of women about the efficacy of abortifacient drugs? If not, then why tell them this misinformation? I mean personally if I had doubts about a medical procedure and you told me it was completely…

Good news everyone death is also reversible!! YAAAYYYY can I have my Pop-Pop back now.

Statement: I don't like competition, meatbags.

Hey Captain! Open up! We've got to install these microwave ovens!

That's what you said about Gondor, and look what happened to poor Theoden.

The Queen is so well dressed you might say Wintour is coming....i'll let myself out.

sparred a bit over the film's artistic vision

sparred a bit over the film's artistic vision

CHEESE IT, BOYS! We've been made.

Honestly, if you (1) went to Syracuse, (2) played lacrosse, (3) looked like a douchy frat asshole, and (4) were named "Hayes McGinley," how could you not totally expect to get the Jesus Fucking Christ beat out of you at least once in your life by a guy named Big Jim Whitcomb.

I feel like if you get hit by somebody named "Big Jim", you're gonna have a bad time.

It was a hot summer day in June 1977, and I was on the Long Island Railway coming in from my house in the Hamptons. For the past month I had holed up in this old red-shingled house on the bayside just a few miles south of Montauk. Jann Wenner had come over one night to tease me about not having a house, or a compound,…