Boyfriends of mine have always told me I looked cute in sweats. They often get that gleam in their eyes while saying it.

You know what? Don't swat the ball away and take any chances and it wouldn't matter.

Eva Mendes can take my sweatpants off my cold, dead body.

I wish we could place a moratorium on Bruce Jenner transition stories until Bruce Jenner himself comes forward to either confirm or deny that he is transitioning. This shit is out of control.

If Kendall Jenner says she loves her dad, check it twice!

It's her responsibility to get the help she needs. Not that of the guy she has been abusing. You probably wouldn't tell an abused woman that she needs to make sure her husband gets mental help before leaving him. Switching the genders doesn't change anything else. It's safer for him to be away from her. He can…

Can I dislike Clinton AND the GOP dipshits?

BUT WHAT ABOUT FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION, MADELEINE

But the show is still on the air...

Seriously, she's got together. Because honestly, my dating life is like this:

They are not house cats. House cats (Felis catus) are house cats. Lions are not house cats. Tigers are not house cats. Servals are not house cats. Bengal cats are not house cats. House cats are house cats and anything larger or more exotic than that is not and should be left the fuck alone. Yeah, I know, we all think…

HAHAHAHA no he will not.

Interesting, considering Clarence Thomas is still on the supreme court. I bet he won't like this.

Dammit! I missed this one!

Oh! I have a small one of these! At my cousin's wedding, my mum stabbed someone who was badmouthing my deceased stepfather. My step-brothers then dragged the guy out and beat him up.

Confusing list. I expected him to use bullets.

You're an adult and you actively steal meat from a grocery store? Short of you being too poor to afford even bulk hamburger, this is pretty juvenile.

"... we're wondering about the new McMenu."