God, I miss the 80's. Aqua Net and burning hair brings back memories big time. 

Somehow, imagining this set to downtown makes it horribly hilarious.

Either that or Girl from Ipanema.

Oh, he was talking about feet. He loved to give his momma foot rubs. Do with that what you will.

My aunty Dorothy was chased down the street by a load of bees after the sugar water in her hair!

I’m actually really surprised by the description of that cake. It sounds very delicious and very sophisticated...and very not-Elvis.

Oh, to my understanding he still very much wanted her as his wife. He was just by that point so deep into the drugs and cheating on her, that, well, that all would drive a lot of women away. She ended up having an affair with his karate instructor and stuff got weird(er).

Given how much people smoked and the sheer volume of synthetic fabric and hair spray product they wore, it’s a miracle there weren’t more spontaneous combustions in the late 1960s.

Those are brocade-ish paisleys on that thar tux. And seriously, she’s young and cute and has a darling little figure and she designs herself a muumuu to get married in? WTF, Priscilla. At least she got out before she got suffocated; many a young girl wasn’t that self-protective.

Ugh! I WISH! I miss it so much!

Supposedly she recorded the score a few years ago (this is a good thing for the vocals), but even though she looks younger than her 75  historically women play Mama Rose at around 50 (Merman was 51, Midler was only 45; Peters and LuPone were about 55).

That works for just about any vegetable - and coincidentally, my almost four year old loooves vegetables*! Yay for the power of the roast!

Who cares of Catholics at an Anglican ceremony?

Only the chosen ones have truly stinky urine upon supping on the holy sprout.

According to the Catholic church, it’s not symbolic - the priest is literally turning the bread and wine into the flesh and blood of Christ.

Right? “Best to avoid”? How about “where can I book a tour to see as many of these as possible?”

Not sure whether to head to YouTube or PornHub to search for these videos...

Don’t forget St. Gus of Asparagus, Patron Saint of Stinky Urine.

Where does this madness end? It’s frankly ridiculous to insert asparagus into the story of a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father and can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is…