I think it’s pretty barbaric that men still have to tie a piece of silk around their neck to be taken seriously.

I think Cosby is guilty and should give all his money to his victims and spend the rest of his life cleaning truck stop restrooms with his tongue.

Look, it’s just a case of he said, she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she & she said.

He was such a jerk, in fact, that he ended up spending hours playing baseball by himself in a strip mall parking lot.

Also, every time I’m in an airport, I have the same inner monologue: “OH I GUESS I DONT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO STOP AT A PROPER RESTAURANT, LOOKS LIKE I HAVE TO GET MCDONALDS”

It was your garter belts and thigh-high fishnets. They were very distracting.

And yet somehow *I* was the mediawhore/distraction.

a fee grows in brooklyn

[picks up phone; cancels all Monday guests]—

I just invite my friends over or play them online. not doing shit and proud of it in 2015.

He did it all for the cookie.

You misspelled Cubs.

Making bombs is bad.

Ahh, so that’s why Dorothy went to Oz. To get an abortion.
It truly is a magical place.

“There’s any place but home”

Tell me how to drive, like I’m 16 again. I’m almost 34 years old and my mother still does this. Look, if I’m doing something dangerous then by all means, complain. But you don’t need to tell me there’s a car waiting to turn out of a driveway an eighth of a mile ahead.

“I don’t think he likes or respects stars.”

$165,338,631 can’t buy you happiness that is broing it up with a bunch of insufferable people with last-names-as-first-name in salmon pink shorts.

You can also point to Winslow stepping out of bounds right in front of the official. It wasn’t called and Duke got a basket out of his pass. What a terribly officiated game.