How long before we get the argument that he HAS to be pardoned “to unite the country”? Just think- if the answer to that one had been  a resounding NO the first time around in ‘74, Trump would have never had the nerve to run in the first place. I say forget prison. Once he’s found guilty, a man of his stature deserves…

That can’t be too good for local wildlife. Remember how you’re not supposed to feed your dog chocolate? The same tends to apply to other critters, too. 

Anyone who denies climate change should be barred from AIR CONDITIONING. If they can still make their argument without breaking a sweat, the GOP has found their nominee...

Just think- if the political parties saw fit to fully vet their candidates, we could avoid incidents like this. I suggest we have the FBI work up a full report on both nominees, and release it to the American people unredacted. The mere threat of this would keep people like Trump from CONSIDERING running. 

What a colossal waste of taxpayer money. Can’t somebody just call Arthur Bremer? 

Get ready for a lot of explanations why he “can’t” go to prison. Is Elba available? How about Arthur Bremer? We need to consider every option in this case...

That applies equally to the entire genre. It’s a feature, not a bug. Milli Vanilli were trendsetters.

Never mind that bit about “thinking”.

Speak for yourself. My phone spends the vast majority of its existence sitting on a table, and it’s protected by a case and Gorilla Glass, so it’s probably not much dirtier than it was “brand new”. On average, I probably have about two conversations on it per week, and I don’t spend any time fiddling with it. If I…

...and now they are suing her. Was this why they went there in the first place? 

Musk has about as much luck being clever as he does trying to be cool. He’s like the villain in an incredibly poorly written action movie. All that’s missing is some sort of visible physical deformity, but I guess in his case the blemish is strictly internal. I look forward to chuckling at his next self-inflicted…

I’ll never forget the time the sous chef looked down the line during a massive rush, and announced, “It’s medium rare in here.” Hydration isn’t optional in those settings. I used to down at two full pitchers of water on shifts like that, but never had to go to the bathroom. Great way to lose a hangover in a hurry,…

North Carolina Republicans are among the least ethical creatures on the face of the Earth. Lampreys with legs would be a good representation...

Any job you are doing is worth doing well, for the simple fact that it is you doing it. If nothing else, you develop self respect by accomplishing things, but you are also “building your brand”. Anyone who aspires to be known as a slacker or a fool may wish to examine their priorities. Thinking about “quiet quitting”?…

Here’s mine: panko breadcrumbs have all of the flavor and nutritional content of the box they came in. You may just as well eat THAT. For the record, I was once physically assaulted for expressing this opinion in public. Fortunately for me, I was wearing a motorcycle helmet at the time. True story...

Careful, they might get “woke” if you turn up the racism TOO loud. Then they instantly become Democrats...

Lesson #7- your oven will never be hot enough, unless it’s specifically made to cook pizzas in. Around 900 degrees is optimal, in my experience.

Every time I get some bananas I tell myself that I’m going to make the Elvis Special, and every time I find a way to chicken out. Maybe I need to rope someone else into joining me, to make it harder to back out...

Bruce Sprinsteen never eats anything after 4 pm. While I’m not a huge fan, I think he’s on to something. Why load up on calories a relatively short time before bed? That’s a good way to put on weight, particularly as you get older. 

More ways to damage the environment with this arrogant horse5h1t. Is this a race to destroy the only planet we can live on? There is truly no limit to our stupidity...