Oh, so Jesus is allowed to walk on water but priests aren’t allowed to hover? It is one rule for the Son of God and redeemer of mankind, and quite another for the rest of us.

“Mike! It’s like how the Yankees start the season already having won the World Series!”

-Vinny from Staten Island/Sal from the Bronx/Literally anyone who calls into WFAN

First Kyle transfers. Then Kyler is considering transferring. If Kylest goes, it’ll be really bad.

The Dodgers picked the wrong offseason to turn off their “infinity money” cheat code.

It means that the Browns will, eventually, have to change their name.

He should not have didgeridone that.

“Okay in this photo I want you to look like your paralyzed. Imagine Giselle just picked you up out of your wheelchair and set you on the couch before readjusting you... but in like a sexy way.”

He’s just asking (really stupid!) questions!

.....You support a rapist who looks like King Koopa.

Only marginally better than the time Anakin Skywalker opened a Montessori school.

Now that’s a proven core!

They have been calling unnecessary roughness this season in plays like that, with a guy on the ground and a defender diving to make sure they are down, even with the dive starting before the whistle has blown. If you are going to have that rule to protect players, then you have to call a play dead when a guy is being…

Jared Woodfill, a spokesman for the PAC, told the paper that the donation “was very exciting for us.”

Har-bawling

In fairness, if you’ve gotta die, going out coked up in a brothel is probably one of the better ways. Right behind saving your entire family from the wreck of a burning battleship.

If you drew a venn diagram of Americans who support Trump and Americans who like soccer, it’d pretty much be two separate circles.

Wow, that girl is unbelievable!