I am not the first person to say this: KK looks like a goat. Right down to the soulless devil eyes.

Damn, my cheekbones are the weakest feature of my face. Couldn't you have gone with eyebrows? I keep those looking fresh to death.

Right. Because when I say I want to see a female-led superhero movie, I totally mean that playing a crappy sequel to a pretty good high fantasy RPG is an adequate substitute. While I'm at it, I might as well reread Little Women. After all, the characters are mostly women.

To infinity and beyond!

Dear National Review,

BABIES...TASTE BEST.

I don't think movie reviews are supposed to be objective. If they were, they'd just be a short plot summary and the runtime.

why are you here?

"[Firth] has a briefly seen, occasionally mentioned fiancée named Olivia (Catherine McCormack), who is a fellow skeptic and an intellectual peer, meaning that she has no chance with him."

Yeah, I'd give a complete pass. It shouldn't even be a question. We would not be having this discussion at all if the genders were reversed.

If my junk gets grabbed and they're at leg level, they're getting a fucking kick in the face.

You have no idea how many times I scream, "HIPPA, BITCH," while watching this show. Asgardian witches? I buy it. Small town library with that architecture and essentially no lighting? Possible.

Ex-husbands of women named Paula. They're probably also very sorry. Really, very truly, sorry.

Really, is the Nope Octopus the best choice? I'd think you'd want to nope into something with fewer tentacles...

Monoculture of any kind is a long-term ecological nightmare.

Chilling!

I must be a postfeminist self-parody because I genuinely think getting jizzed on for one second is less degrading than folding a grown man's underwear for free for your entire life and getting yelled at when you do it wrong. I mean, it's cool if being a housewife is your thing, but personally I'm just not that freaky.