Apparently Jezebel's standard of 'awesome' 'special' and 'amazing' are reaching new lows.

I'm eagerly awaiting your mind blowing video of paint literally drying.

Gawd contouring again.. Etss everywhere!!

THIS. Supporting your friend does not require you to compromise your own safety. Get out now.

I really can't through this advice for #1.
Feeling better about yourself at the expense of others is not good advice. It's the same shit that her friend did to her. Pointing out that some women's breast will get "saggy" and "look bad in a tank top" is just body shaming any other women who don't happen to have perky…

I liked your advice on #1 until you started listing the ways her body is "better" than someone with larger boobs.

So, for #1, respond to body shaming with more body shaming? Got it.

My advice for number one: Just respond with "I guess I'm just not as insecure as you are."

Big Gum has always been a blight on society with misplaced priorities. Sure your countless sacrifice of blood and treasure allowed you to double the amount of mint, Wrigley, but did your Cubs ever win a title?

It's totally the "Stride of Pride". Or it should be. :-)

Wait a tik... he used "you're" correctly in the first... oh I get it

And he's posh as fuck... without being posh as fuck. It's amazing.

who are the psychos voting for smirnoff ice SHOW YOURSELVES

I'm hoping that people don't show up to heckle Phelps' funeral, thinking they're being ironic. We don't need to forgive Phelps in order to avoid stooping to his level - God knows, I don't forgive him - and letting his signature brand of assholery become the new normal by imitating it would be allowing him more of a…

Ok, I am the heartless monster who loathes Mindy Kaling. I loved Kelly Kapoor, and expected Kaling to be infinitely delightful. So I read her book, in which she repeatedly describes herself as a woman with a "normal" body; thus, at a size 8, she implied that anyone below or above that arbitrary number was abnormal.…

• Standing in the shower for 45 minutes, imagining I am on a tropical island showering in one of those sexy outdoor beach shower things with Ralph Fiennes or Cumberbatch or Eddie Cibrian or this guy I saw in a Taco Bueno commercial once. Have no idea who he is. Very, very hot tho.

I can't masturbate in the bathroom. It just doesn't feel sexy. I can masturbate in the car though.

• Blow. Sometimes I'm doing blow.

Koko in London had this huge room for make-up fixing (I guess?) in the downstairs ladies loo. I've spent entire club nights in that loo, drinking, gossiping and reading.

Why would I wait until my period to wear underwear with the words "Cunt Dracula" on it? Those panties right there would be my "sexing drawers" for my sexy times.