Obviously “inspired” by the Anne Heche tragedy. You couldn’t wait a week or two? This is grotesque. 

Like any product these days, weed has a million varieties on display in the dispensary. It’s a sensory overload to get you to sample new stuff each time, or be devoted to a favorite. It’s understandable marketing.

Some plants, like pothos, will not grow well in soil once propagated in water. They might, but probably not. However, so what? I have them growing in water only - for years and years. Change it often. Keep an eye out for foul smelling water, indicating root rot. But overall, pothos clippings in water do great.

I tried them for the first time ever about 5 months ago. Nope. And I’m not a picky eater. I love garbage food. But... these are just mildly meat-flavored mush. I couldn’t be bothered trying a “recipe” to get creative with them - they’re still going to be mush. Gave them a fair chance, I’d say. They keep making them -…

This is fine for non-Italians, I suppose. I mean, you guys need help, may as well go for it. It’s an extra step, of course. And more to clean. Me, I’ll just keep rolling them in my big, manly, Italian hands and I’ll grab the right amount of meat each and every time, directly out of the mixing bowl.

I find it hard to believe you waited to eat one until you got home. Confess. You ate it in the car. It’s OK. 

“Just” pull the weeds. Uh-huh. Wait until you see the weeds. How many. How often. How fast. There will be no “just” about it.

Seriously, just stop it. You can’t do this. You will, absolutely, get a line of paint on the ceiling and/or trim. This “time saving trick” professionals use will result in you being very, very pissed off. Just use the freaking tape. That’s what it’s there for. 

At least 50 million Americans are googling symptoms every day, a statistic I just completely invented, but I’m sure it’s correct.

Just wait until it starts spreading to the wives and girlfriends of the millions of deep closet cases out there, prowling the hookup sites, apps and adult theaters. The vax will be indeed be in even shorter supply. Ladies, if your intuition tells you something may be a little off about him, time to have a serious…

So, yes, I’m looking for food. And if you’ve got pizza, pasta, meats of any kind or dessert of any kind, I’m getting in. You think you’ll stop me. You will not. I ring the doorbell. I smile. I’m so charming you can’t help but invite me for a snack. This is how it’s done. This is the way.

Lots of Twitter freak outs, with the recent hashtag MonkeyPoxIsAirborne. It is not. It’s droplet spread. There’s a difference. Look it up.

Buffalo pizzerias have been using this pepperoni forever. It’s the hallmark of a Buffalo pizza. The longest lasting establishments have been in business 30, 40, 50 years, never deviating from this pepperoni. Which is why they have such great success. In Buffalo, there’s a pizza joint pretty much every half mile -…

Who cares? No, seriously - these are top of the list scumbags. We need to care about subhuman trash who exist in a world of make believe and go on for decades abusing others? Fuck them all. Let them collapse. Suicide? Almost unheard of with narcs. They are terrified of death because it is the end of the self, the only…

1) “Fluid bonding” - ROFL. Jesus Christ.

Well, the average shower might take 8 minutes, but that assumes you aren’t playing with it. Which you are. And which you don’t report to the pollsters who are calling you asking about your shower habits, which must be a thing, I guess.

The free masks just sit there in bins. No one takes them. Just my observations. 

You can simply use a power strip to plug in an extra Echo Dot without wasting outlet space. I do.

Trying to think of the idiot things I did as a teen that might compare. Nope. Nothing. Kids are fucking morons.

Wait. So you want mask enforcement in a place where people eat? Yeah, that made a lot of nonsense when everyone went to restaurants, wore a mask to walk to a table and then took it off. You know how I handled this stupidity? I didn’t go out to eat. You further ignore the fact that now we have a vaccine and 80 year old…