The curve isn’t that steep. This article is pure hyperbola.

900K apart, he loses what, 500K per game? Sounds like he ought to make a decision quickly.

“All I care about is playing football... That’s why I ripped off his helmet and tried to crack his skull. That’s me playing football.”

Hey, whatever did happen to those “Stand By The President!” people?

Belichick first explained away the headset malfunctions by calling it a “pretty common” glitch,

Your team cheats was created by Pats fans to try and deflect from the fact that well this organization was pretty much an unspectacular shit show until they decided to push every rule possible to gain a competitive edge. Seeing as how they won those first three Super Bowls by a combined nine points, it makes sense…

Sorry, but a black guy getting bad reception in the Boston area doesn't qualify as shocking news

Before any Patriots fans comment:

“LOL!”

Okay, last one... this is one of my favorites, and it never appeared on the show. It was a promo. But still hilarious.

also, one of the best subtly political sketches:

Black Ice

Also, this:

I like where you’re going here; I really digit.

So the Giants were trying to get away with a four-fingered discount?

... The story explains that the system worked best against “unsophisticated” teams—the Dolphins and Bills are named...

this is such a dumb article.

Ref should have kept his head on a swivel.

The one bright side right now: at least we won’t be subjected to a Simmons column about how “BRADY AND BELICHICK ARE GONNA BE IN FACKIN’ EFF-YOU MODE ALL SEASON MY GAWD.”

“Those bastards in Bristol are ruining everything,” Palin continued. “I’ll be babysitting every weekend ‘til I’m fucking 75 years old at this rate.”

“Now...where was I on the ESPN thing....oh right, Curt Schilling...”