Jorah the Explorah

I don’t know what it tastes like, but I know what it feels like when a bae leaves.

Yoko’s 25 Things could only be more Yoko if it were a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat.

“Well, I think you should wait until marriage because (Jesus reasons). But if you decide not to, here’s what you need to know.”

UGH WHY CANT ALL RELIGIOUS FOLK TEACH KIDS LIKE THIS

She bragged the other day about knowing more than I think she knows about sex. And I was like oh yeah? And she said yeah I know everything. I ride a bus, mom. So I asked her about anal beads.

I have never felt pain quite like the pain of giant veiny-blue engorged breasts.

He probably already gets his face in that microbiome on a regular basis. He’s all set. You’re supposed to rub it on YOUR face.

nah it’ll be all “god doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. You’ve been chosen to care for this child”

The U-pick-em pro-life responses to the Zika Virus:
“They shouldn’t have traveled to a third world country.”
“They shouldn’t live so close to a third world country.”
“They should’ve lived in another country.”
“They shouldn’t be having sex.”

“Ellie Goulding almost drowned”

Poothers?

Yeah, some little girl ordered him and then he got bigger and started telling her she had no class and she got her dad to drop him off in the swamp.

It’s not the first time Grandma has been woken up with a banana, amirite?

I love Aerie so much. Unapologetically. I buy all my underwear there. It fits amazing, goes through the wash like a champ, and has cute patterns. I don’t need sexy barely-there undies, I want ones that cover my whole ass. 7 pairs for $26 is also pretty fucking amazing. This campaign just solidifies my love of them.…

Can we go with average-sized instead? All bodies are normal bodies, unless we’re perhaps talking about medical literature.

They were also required to hire an “anti-profiling consultant.”

Nothing to see here. Just two, old, elephant skin rugs.

“‘So I went on and later met and married another woman, a good woman, who helped my mixed up head get straight’”

Do the surviving victims agree that it’s “irreversibly solved” or is that just the words of some politician who wants them to shut up already?