Don’t you mean Malk Zumpleblek?

I don’t know why.. but this is so satisfying.

Let’s all agree to pretend that you never even suggested this terrible, terrible thing.

“The human body is like a battery, with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted.”

Judge not Leste ye be judged.

Great example of the misconceptions this video addresses! No, vaginal discharge does not mean you’re horny or have an STD. Try watching it again.

Looks like Jimmy John could be a suspect. He seems like the type that wouldn’t have a problem posing naked with a dead animal.

ugh, this place has really humped the shark

Massen as in ‘Mason’, or Massen as in ‘Assen’?

For restaurants, yes. But the Michelin Pussy Guide actually goes up to 8 stars. But most only get 3 at most, so 5 is really good. Their only 8 Star pussy ever was this woman in rural Japan who lived in this shack that only locals (and REALLY cool tourists) knew about. Sadly, it closed in 1998.

It’s a menu. Much like the one sitting on the table to the right.

When he f*** me good I take his ass to Red Lobster but obviously we’re here tonight so...

I agree - they do incredible work, although I must admit that this morning’s string of breathless Scorpio previews (and the fact that Microsoft paid for their trip) made me raise an eyebrow.

I would just point out even to diehard Sony fans - monopolies are terrible for consumers. If Xbox ceases to be an effective competitor to Playstation, and the Switch remains in its own real niche, there’s no market incentive for Sony to make a better product. The last thing you should want as a Playstation owner is…

The world has a shitty surprise for you in your early 50s. Your kids are fully baked, you’re at your peak earning period, you have lots of vacation time. “Woo! Let’s take that trip to Europe, and then finally rebuild the Camaro!” And at that exact moment, your parents begin their breakdown, physically and/or…

Ashley Feinberg is a national fucking treasure.

I mean, if I needed a new laptop and money was no object I would very seriously consider buying a new MacBook and loading Windows 10 on it. Would never boot into MacOS because I prefer Windows, but Apple does make some fine hardware.

Junior year homecoming. A whole group of us were going to head to downtown Chicago and go to Second City after the dance, and we got my date’s brother to buy us an unreasonable amount of booze for the limo ride. We were going to meet at my house after the dance to pick up the limo, so I filled two backpacks will the…