I also have a rote response: My body isn’t a temple, it’s a playground.

She must be distraught about 1D.

My two cats died over five years ago and I’m still hoovering hair out of my carpets.

“Wanna see a magic trick?”

So more like John Lennon than we realised, John being an iffy husband to Cynthia and father to Julian. But Beatles bigger than JC with better tunes.

That is a nice natural picture of Taylor with no or very little makeup. Should I be so surprised?

So when rock stars speak out, we shouldn’t set any store by it - I never have - but when they do, we should excuse them because they’re just rock stars?

For equality, the Tiny Dick:

Couldn’t trample anything but a tune.

Cindy Crawford made my head hurt.

You’re getting less funny with each post. Quit while you’re...wherever you are at this time, I lost count.

That doesn’t make everything you post comedy gold. I didn’t get it but then, I could be pregnant.

Good luck getting Theresa May to change her mind. Try being sick when they say you’re fit for work here and you’ll really know some hardass bureaucracy.

It’s funny when it happens to somebody else. When an ex told me she was pregnant just to see what my reaction was, I wasn’t laughing. Neither was she when she didn’t get the reaction she was fishing for.

You won’t be calling me stupid when I get pregnant.

Why haven’t you got this girl married off to a nice guy who can protect her? And me a white, blond Anglo-Saxon telling you this!

I still have high hopes that Clive Owen will become Jack Reacher so please, anybody but him for the new Bond, despite suaveness coming out of his arse.

Perhaps he just meant he prefers non-wifebeaters to wifebeaters to play his characters.

Imagining a world without shmaltzy tweets makes moonbeams light up like a Vegas fountain.