[Insert gif of audience full of women clapping here]

Huh,

White people have a good name?

If the auction winner doesn’t use this as the prism in some kind of death ray as part of a megalomaniacal plot for world domination, I will be disappointed.

Wouldn’t that be better in some kind of necklace?

Ohhh, talk old English to me, baby.

Most of those sound dirty.

Meanwhile, Justin Guarini is pretty excited for the mention.

Not going to lie, this story is fucking hilarious. I keep laughing. I feel like a dick, but it’s funny.

the universe has a sense of humor, and it is HILARIOUS.

So basically, if your day was just going a little TOO well

popular chain restaurant that rhymes with “Crapplebees.” (Editor’s Note: Oh for fuck’s sake)

How about clothing with other names? Like my daughter Mary can be wearing a Jonathan shirt.

Clothing with names is the #1 thing that leads to being pointed at and mocked mercilessly, but that’s usually only a problem for older children.

More like, the vast majority of kidnappers know the child’s name.

... because the kidnapper is the estranged ex-spouse.

Don’t want your child kidnapped, suck it up and don’t get divorced.

Charles Pierce has a “5-minute rule” for Rand Paul and his father Ron, whom he calls “Crazy Uncle Liberty.” Given a chance to speak, either of the Pauls will start off saying something that makes sense, but after the five-minute mark will say something colossally stupid.

No mention of the trollface being a failed copy of the rapemouse face?

Try filtering it AND adjusting the pH - acidic water doesn't taste great, and you may have it, depending where you are (drier regions, it's more likely; if you're a New Englander, nah, skip the rest of the post). You can buy pH test strips at any home supply store like Lowe's or Home Depot, or order them on Amazon. …