I WANT MY NAME TO BE SPAGHETTI.

The real truth is, if bread is allowed to dry, it really won't go moldy. To go nasty, those organisms need moisture, so food products that desiccate quickly in the first few days it really will just stay stale and uninteresting. Same thing for the meat with additionally has preservatives and salt in it. This is…

"... where all the hipster (read: white) ..." I'm guessing you're white and trying to be a poet/troll/artist. I know this because I am the program your parents wrote.

If you think that, you don't read the internet ever.

Anyone claiming that such-and-such is 'raping', 'ruining' or 'destroying' their childhood must have had early lives of such little consequence and meaning that they can only be truly shit adults.

Well, technically, "she" isn't a "she." Gozer isn't human, it takes the form it wants.

I have a kindergartner daisy and there was nothing cuter than seeing her pull her wagon of cookies wearing her little daisy apron and pigtails. Who can resist? The wagon was bigger than her! I would post a pic of the adorableness but then I would be outing myself!

I'm beginning to think his heartfelt antics are just a distraction so we don't see Rita Wilson eating a child just off to the left.

Thank god there are people like you to stand up for the racists in America.

I assumed they all died from coke overdoses in the 80's.

I can't watch this. I can't handle the vicarious humiliation. For years, probably a decade at least, and in spite of having won three times, I was still beating myself up over having lost the fourth game.* I just feel so awful for anyone who loses badly.

If Stephanie's embarrassed now, just wait until she sees the bill from the Jeopardy! people demanding she pay that -$6,800 tab!

I don't know why but I have to mute the television when Alex talks to the contestants. So awkward. The same with the radio. When someone calls in I have to turn the radio off. I turn it off during commercial breaks as well.

It was a Cheerios ad at the time. I was 4 years old then, but the Ancient TV Jingle Cortex in my brain can STILL remember the melody!

That last one is actually a rebus! "No one on, 5 to 4, bottom of the fifth, one out." My dad taught me that when I was just a youngster.

I think you should double-check with your mom on that story about how the drycleaner "lost" the cape.

"when I ask a woman to dinner I expect her to eat facing me. It's the price she has to pay" - Groucho Marx in Night at the Opera