hahaha. yeah, my family stopped by that place (pregnant wife, two-year old in a baby stroller, and i) in jan, '14. i had bananas ready just in case of trouble, but one little bastard baby monkey decided that my daughter's face would me a good seat; latched on like a face-hugger from alien. me, being the manly man,…

I think it might have been cheaper to charter a private jet.

See, Mom? If I had an I-phone I would have called you!

Dad's look says, "we had $10k just sitting around? Goddammit."

Ah, the magic of eating at a restaurant owned by a Manic Pixie Dream Doofus. I imagine the place will be a dollar store full of knock-off dancing Groots by this time next year.

The staff should've come back in like this:

Guess that answers your question, Klondike.

Facts hurt, don't they, bro?

My takeaway from this article is that women never experience the sublime thrill of launching a bottle rocket out of your ass.

1. As a male, this is not news.
2. Darwin Awards are not depressing. They're fascinating, bordering on hilarious.
3. Hold my beer and watch this!

I simply prefer that my porn make me feel normal-dirty, instead of racist-dirty.

Well, shit. I mean, how do you retort to a sexist bake sale?
PACK IT UP, JEZEBEL: Pointing out Border Patrol Sex pornography glorifies stereotypes and abuse is ridiculous, because some jerk sold muffins that one time.

WE were having the conversation, yes, but white people weren't until #crimingwhilewhite. It's not for us, it's for them. You won't be using the hashtag, same as 90% of them won't be using #blacklivesmatter

Okay. Look, everybody. No need to get bent out of shape. First of all: Are you white? If so, relax. We promise we won't kill you. Stay out of this, it doesn't concern you. Now, to the rest of you: are you a person of color? Do you look white? If so, don't worry about it. You'll be fine! If not, you still have to…

He looks like Fred.

What she's saying is completely valid. It doesn't negate the experiences of others.

It's not urine. Different taste, consistancy. And my wife squirts a ton even if she just peed.

You are watching the wrong porn.