Just clone a bunch of Elizabeth Warrens and Democrats will never lose another race in Massachusetts.

It’s not his fault. He’s a man, he can’t help but be illogical.

Before the Age of Cruz, I used to think there was no more punchable face than the guy who ruined the bow tie.

The Trumps, if they were rich, but not quite rich enough to cover up all the people they’ve killed.

“Two of the minors were his sisters.”

#EmmaGonnaReadThat

You know, the Grand Canyon was built to store grain.

I’m just completing that longer conversation that the good doctor mentioned.

He might not have chosen to be gay, but he did choose to do the crime that sent him to jail where he turned gay, so it is still his fault.

They did Superman as a communist protege of Stalin and he was still pretty good. As a protege of Rand? That would be a truly evil Superman.

James Carville is the absolute worst person to model yourself after unless you are playing a villain in a terrible Sandra Bullock movie.

Women and black people in Star Wars.

Howard Stern recognises he’s a joke and would never run for office. Trump is too deluded to be as self-aware and classy as a shock jock.

This could lose him the support of all the Black Lives Matter supporters in the Republican primaries.

At least the Bushes speak better Spanish than you. They’re all horrible people and criminals, but they know the word “vida.” I’m sorry to be pedantic on the internet.

Nah, they’re just plain morons.

When super-butch He-Man Ted Cruz cooks breakfast, I’m sure one or two of the thousand rounds he fires off are duds. Ellie Schechet, you are a very efficient bacon-wrapped assault rifle with a minuscule rate of misfires.

It is the percentage of men and women primary voters who support Trump as opposed to other candidates. So of the 38% or so who are so fucking stupid and racist that they support him, it is 30% self-hating women and 46% asshole men when you break it down.

The face of a monster.

Mike Huckabee offered to go to jail in Kim Davis’ place, which is pretty much the same thing.