Let them eat hamberders.

i’m a dude, so just assume all of ‘em.

But then only criminals would commit domestic violence!  Outlawing things doesn’t work! *injects performance enhancing drug*

Each team should get a set number of Crime Points that can be assigned to individual players as crimes are committed, and once a player reaches, say, 51 Crime Points then a graduating set of punishments would be assigned by the league based on the player’s total Crime Points over a 3-year period. After 3 years, the…

I’m not proud to say that, at one time in my life, I lived in Florida, and had a neighbor to which you allude. Other than the day I met my wife, and the day I left Florida forever, the day the ambulance pulled her dead, rotting carcass out of the house was the greatest day ever.

Reads like a Nunes memo to me.

It’s just basketball. It’s not Rocket science. 

At least we’re finally getting an answer to “what would it look like if an entire organization was the old lady who complained to the HOA about your lawn?”

This shit is air tight. If there’s anything that will DEFINITELY sway the refs to your side, it’s trying to public question their ability to do their job.
I expect Jame Harden to get assessed two straight technicals in game 2, which his balls impede the landing of Draymond Green’s foot.

The memo’s smug conclusion, clearly based in Logic and Facts, frames the failure of the Rockets to hit any of 27 straight threes, and the failure of Chris Paul’s hamstring to stay healthy, as less significant than those 81 disputed calls.

It’s amazing that in that second quote they are complaining that Harden WASN’T called for a foul. I mean, if they want the refs to call every bit of incidental contact Harden makes a foul, I’m sure the league could accommodate them, but having their best player foul out eight minutes into the first quarter seems like…

The one sentiment I can definitely now agree with is that a champion Rockets team certainly would be the worst thing to happen to the NBA. 

I believe you mean by their children, who should know better than to be so embarrassing.

“You know, I’ve been a big fan of the theater for a long time. And for him to come along and do this to Ford’s Theater, is embarrassing. The worst part is that this theater is now a laughing stock and that’s sad.”
Mike Francesa (April 15, 1865)

The greatest trick the Rockets ever pulled is making half the league Warriors fans for two weeks. 

“Showing up a pitcher” is not actually a thing.  It’s made up nonsense.

Mitch Witchnowsky sounds like he would be the quarterback for a Chicago football team in a video game that couldn’t work out a licensing agreement with the NFLPA.

The Pete Carroll bod is a difficult look to maintain. Just keep angrily chewing gum and ignoring science and you’ll do great!

the opportunity to win in New York—and push the notion that he jumped on the bandwagon to win rings in Oakland from the forefront of fans’ consciousness—is a pull for the two-time Finals MVP.