Sometimes it’s important to be looking for the puns you really didn’t want to make.

You got screwed in the playoffs.  Congratulations, you’re officially an NHL franchise.

That send is known as the "Wendell Kim".

To have earned his reputation as the “unlikable one” on Bill Maher’s show is the only thing that hasn’t been given to this shithead in his entire life.

Last year the Pele of my son’s league was a kindergartner named Kate Lynn—Secretariat in pig tails.

When someone says “I have a sense of humor” you just know it’s gotta be true.

We can’t let them in. No room. Full. We’ve got nowhere to put them. If a judge tells you to let them in, say sorry judge, I just don’t have the space. We are full to the top.

Gruden looks like he has been using the same barber as Davis. The two are starting to look like they’re related.

+1 pinball wizard

They asked Brad’s sister Helen to confirm but she neither heard the insult nor saw the offending pitch 

MLB - “We’re totally against anything racist, suspensions all around!”

Also MLB - “This week on Sunday Night Baseball: Braves at Indians!”

no. A 5'2", 100 lb. woman is never going to achieve a physical stature that puts her on par with a 6'+ 250 lb+ man.

Few people know he is creatively fueled by his massive hatred of immigrants...

On behalf of countries who are routinely blown apart every other week, many due to the Petyr Baelish School of American Foreign Policy, I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that about other countries and 9/11. Tragedies happen everywhere and they suck everywhere; we just had to AmericanExceptionalism(tm) ours into “OUR…

Don’t worry. Any day now we will find out that Neil Diamond donated big bucks to the US Japanese Internment camps or something.

But the absolute cruelest thing a pitcher can do is smoke three guys with one 99 mph fastball.

I’m sure the commentary on this would be the exact same if it were a black NBA player who was found to have $20,000, expensive jewelry, and five guns stolen from his home.

No worries, he’ll do what responsible gun owners do and buy twice as many guns, so next time the guns have guns to protect themselves.

I’ve been saying it for years. You just can’t play baseball AND the-ground-is-lava at the same time.

Edited: Realizing you liked Breaking Bad.
I enjoyed the finale of David the Gnome as a child because it fucked me up, bad.