You still use a flip phone?

I bought a new C5 when I was 26. The old man image didn’t bother me or apply, since I wasn’t an old man. Now I’m in my 40s and even though I’m a huge Corvette fan, I won’t buy one because I don’t want to be seen as the old guy driving the Corvette. 

...and that you have a beer belly you need to grow...

This is only true because I won’t be able to afford one until my kids are out of college, not because I don’t want one now.

My vote is gas station chicken salad 

Holy shit, if you can’t trust football coaches & Catholic priests these days who can you trust?

Russell Westbrook screamed at his Swiss teammate, the very model of NBA mildness

I bought a new Seti Alpha 6, but it turned out when I got it home it was an Alpha 5. 

Well, it came with nice Corinthian leather, if I recall

Tell me more about this...Genesis.

That’s easy. The hard part is finding Charles Barkley.

At a restaurant one time, Charles Barkley bet me $400 that I couldn’t pull a hair out of my nose without crying. After I won, he bet double-or-nothing on the other nostril.

I would just like to say that my editors here at Jalopnik make me look like a much better writer than I actually am, and I was incredibly proud of the original headline for this post - “You’ll LOL At The Hyundai Veloster N’s Lousy Lease Numbers”

DEAR SIR STOP HAVE JUST PERUSED YOUR LATEST CIRCULAR REGARDING BASE-BALL PROWESS OF ONE GEORGE HERMAN RUTH STOP STRONGLY DISAGREE WITH YOUR CONCLUSIONS AS TO HIS SUCCESS AGAINST MORE MODERN BASE-BALLERS STOP WILL CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION IMMEDIATELY STOP YOURS SINCERELY PHINNEAS J RUTHERFORD

The year was 1988. I cane home from college and went to a local semi-pro hockey game. They were running a promotion where three people were chosen to compete to win fried chicken by shooting pucks into an empty net. My program # was chosen.

Interesting collar on that guy..

Yeah, if they didn’t want a thousand “why not both” gifs they should have come up with a better headline.

KFC and cologne : (

show us on the doll where the gif touched you

Look, i don’t think we should give car companies shit for trying to have a brand identity. Say what you want about the new Camaro/Silverado/Etc.. but you’re going to be eating your words when their new corporate slogan: Not just ugly, Chevy ugly takes off and really ties their brand identity together.