The blimp now plans to tour the country doing its impression of Tiger Woods’s career.

Counterpoint: Stingrays killed off 100% of The Crocodile Hunter population left on earth.

Does Barron’s t-shirt indicate he has been offered a position as advisor?

Has it ever occurred to you that every time you are working on your Z, you are giving it a Z job - ZJ?

Like Iraq, Lubbock is also filled with religious assholes with too many guns and short tempers.

For my last new car I went through Costco, I’ll never do it any other way now.

Prime has Adam Carolla’s documentary about the GT40 v Ferrari battle of the 60's. Not a bad watch.

My Italian is rusty so I plugged “nonnepassagio rapidamente pazzo nolo contendere” into Google Translate, it auto-corrected nonnepassagio and it came back with “Grandmothers quickly move mad crap contention”

If you have a brother or cousin who look a bit like you, rent a passport.

I got pulled over for speeding. The officer asked me why I was going so fast. I replied, “general stupidity.” She looked confused and said...what? I replied that i was speeding because I was stupid. She started laughing and said good answer. She gave me a warning.

“Aggressively unseasoned chicken breast” might just be the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks.. I’ll happily take second place.

[...] and ESPN notes that she will have an “expanded on-site presence at events such as the Masters, World Series, Super Bowl, the College Football Playoff, and College Football National Championship.” 

Disagree. (That’s a H2O heater in the back.)

Gotta give them credit for showing their cards here and trusting Gottlieb not to steal them.

why do people ALWAYS go with white people as their go-to analogy for what “working class” means?

The Streisand Effect strikes again.

I don’t really think Rondo should be taking shots at Ray Allen over his decision but mainly just because I don’t think he should ever be taking shots.

Purdue didn’t “have to” do anything; the prosecutor declined to pursue the case, which plenty of universities would interpret as carte blanche to do the same. Instead, they made a “trivial statement” of “you, you, and you are expelled,” which is the only statement that really matters. Your yearning to hear the lurid…

I wouldn’t if she didn’t posit that her taste is somehow better than Dan’s. I don’t judge people’s tattoos unless they claim that their taste is somehow unassailable.

It’s rude because rather than argue the topic at hand, you want to argue whether I’m qualified to have an opinion at all. I find that derailing and disrespectful. And hypocritical, because essentially you’re extending that same prejudice against people who don’t have enough tattoos that you ascribe to Dan towards me.