Chrissakes. Were some laboring under the impression that baseball needs more arcane wonky stuff, and this is the best effort to overcome that? I think I blacked out when I got to the first scatter plot graph. **gets beaned in the back**

His shorts look like he or someone else splooged all over them. Those are dumb shorts.

I wish I had access to the water balloon “technology” that my kids do. This is a generational game changer.

Maybe I read your column, maybe I didn’t.

Welcome back Jolie! You have been missed. And I have a question, but it has nothing to do with this column whatsoever. Where can I ask it?

I shall heretofore be known as “The Right Honorable Earl of Whoever-This-Blonde-Lass-With-the-Panty-Hose-in-Her-Hair-Down-Front-Center-is-Texting.” Bit of a mouthful, isn’t it?

HULK SMASH!!!!

He is in the right position and the puck just ended up in a spot where he couldn’t see it. So he’s right to blow it dead. But he was too fast and what he failed to do is skate in from the corner to get a better look before blowing it dead. I think Forsberg and the Penguin defender skated right into his line of…

No.

I don’t give a crap what he “is,” because yes, he’s a fantastic player. Anyone who questions that is a fool. What is obnoxious is when he does things like this, he comes out smelling like a rose and Pens fans are all like “what? you just dislike him because he’s good.” Hell I’d respect you more if you just called…

Remember when Nancy Kerrigan saying showing off her medal with Micky Mouse was corny and so dumb was considered a disgrace and an embarrassment to our country? Like, that was a *big* deal. Yeahhhhhhhhhh.

Oh good grief. Unless the people who live around you are awful people (and it sure sounds like there are some of those described here), get to know your neighbors a little. You all are too young to be shut ins. When did The Youngs decide it’s every man for himself? The terrible people described in some of these…

This is so dumb. What a bunch of stupid neanderthals.

What the hell is this now. Didn’t want to take on apple pie or hot dogs, so you’re attempting a take down of buttered pop corn?! Walk away Patrick. Or should I say “Comrade Patrick.”

Wow. Team Orange should see if they can get a sponsorship deal from Cheap-Shotting Pussies ‘R Us. They are excellent ambassadors of the brand. You don’t just learn that come in from behind and hit while he’s not looking kind of technique. You’re born with that kind of talent.

Based on all the advice of different lengths you should get, and definitely take the advice of getting some used clubs lengthened, please get yourself fitted. Fitting is a great idea for most golfers, but especially someone of your height who is just beginning. The reason is this: you’d probably figure out how to…

Raise your hand if you also had to look up kayfabe.

Wondering where you learned that? I can’t say it’s not true, but how would that data be collected exactly? I’m not much of a fisherman (very occasional), but I’ve released lots back into the water, crabs and fish. And they always just swim away. Now maybe a “substantial number of them die as a result of being…

I’m a bit disappointed. On the heels of the Harper helmet misfire, I am really hoping for a batter to pick up the ball, charge the mound and gun it into the pitcher. That might get pitchers to start thinking twice about whether to throw at a guy, knowing it might come right back at them from closer range. Baseball…

“Dangles it.” NOT Angles it.