So you're telling me that Beyonce should be appreciated for her hard work, but only to certain point. If getting a shitty lifetime award from the VMAs is too much appreciation for you, then I don't ever wanna know your low bar for reverent. I'm not a Beyonce stan, but she definitely deserves the level of reverent that…

It's like Xena dressed up as a flapper for a Great Gatsby party. I'm not feeling it, but I think I might like it more if it fit her better.

disclaimer: I love massages

"sorry, I can't make it." That's all you need to say.

What are you feeling awkward about, re: massage? Body-weirdness-wise, healthcare professionals have seen it ALL. Plus they only uncover sections of you at a time, so they don't get a look at your overall situation. Or is it something else?

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LOL I absolutely did. I thought, "this is something I would JOKE about doing when I was a kid."

I couldn't believe it was an adult and not a child. Seriously. I thought it would be about a kid trying to stay out past curfew, not an adult who is completely inept at normal human behavior. If you're 32 and you want to stay out late, you do. You don't even have to tell anyone. Of course it's nicer to text the…

Edgar Winter's grandson?

Protecting the kids from her is way more important than showing concern. Mariah's been batshit crazy for a decade or more.

Suge Knight would get shot at the Kids Choice Awards.

Can we please start a rumor that Justin Bieber shot Suge Knight? Run with it, Isha!

This is a Can-Am Spyder. It is the dumbest thing I have ever seen, and I have graded high school English exams.

My ex did that. His dad would also send him, alone, to the liquor store to buy more booze. The guy running the store was totally ok with selling booze to the kid to take home to dad.

"So the made-up world I'm making up will have dragons . . ."

Pretty sure Game of Thrones isn't set in the Middle Ages. It's set in a time/universe with dragons and magic and such.

It seems like that with every specialty market. Long Tall Sally, the terribly named and equally terribly overpriced store for tall women, is obsessed with animal print. I am 6 foot 2. Why on earth would I wear a giraffe print? Do they think I don't get enough snarky height-related comments?

Oh god the fern print. It has to be a conscious choice, right? I buy apparel fabric for sewing, so I know you have other options than tropical hotel upholstery prints.

Alright lets see if I can do this.