Naugh.

Real tough guys are known for their skill administering tha slapz to a fool. Oh yeah.

Swine-dr? Excrutiating. The STARS-AND-MARS? So fucking great. I'm calling it a wash.

The prefect comment is more likely, to my mind, to be something like “Because I’m prefect, you lowly first-years, THAT’S why.”

The fact that you used the verb “did” in reference to “weed” makes me suspect that you actually haven’t “done” much at all, Dave. Are you a former pitcher, sent here to discredit the sage of sages, Mr. Baseball? Admit your sins!

Wait, what?

Yup. Nobody ever went broke betting on the hubris of the American male. If you could add some sort of semi-sexist element (Perhaps Daily Fantasy Pin-Up Girls, anyone?) and people will just start depositing their paychecks directly.

Damn. 50 Cent looks real bad. Vitamin Water money must’ve run out.

Sadly, it’s not video, but here ya go. (I’m safe assuming it’s a Bills fan, yeah?)

Separated a shoulder pretty badly in college. Just about the most painful thing I’ve ever felt. My buddies said I literally looked green with discomfort. And I didn’t have to worry about some angry/corny cyborg like J.J. Watt coming for me (or even think abut motivating a projectile through the air with any kind of…

Denny Matthews just read your comment and gave a slight but perceptible raise of the eyebrows. Mike Sweeney isn’t even Mike Sweeney’s favorite player.

Wearing a Jalen Rose jersey is the international symbol for distress.

Lagos is in Nigeria. Latos is in Anaheim. Price is in Chavez Ravine, circa April 2016.

Play caller? Is he radioing down to the sideline to try a play-action rollout with a tight end waggle route? Also, the Giants are Google Cardinals. Albert said so. Ha.

Die.

Seager is Olerud with a real good shortstop’s range and more pop. And he plays with his cock’n’balls constantly and without evident shame. Seager is a good baseball man.

Wordplay notwithstanding, riddle me this: would you want him to date your sister? Or come to your mother’s house for dinner? With Bautista or Tulo, I think the answer to those questions is an unqualified yes. With Donaldson, it's a horrified shudder.

Josh Donaldson is an ass.

Booooooooooo.

Also, an ear abortion. And dumb enough to be dumb.