Step 1: Sit on floor with back against a wall

The Marfa police caught my friend peeing in public (gross, I know) and as punishment made him and my OTHER male friend walk back to their hotel hand in hand while they followed them and snickered . Little did they know, not-peeing friend is ay and peeing friend could not have cared less about holding hands with a…

This is me with baby shit and anything powder scented. I can't smell any powdery lotion or perfume without automatically associating it with shit covered powder scented baby wipe .

Ugh whatever. I’m nobody special and 7 years ago I crossed the DMZ into North Korea because I paid for a tour. Steinem needs to keep her white lady nose out

I REEEEALLY hate to be that person, but it’s a personal pet peeve of mine. It’s HIPAA.

What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?

Defos eating a whole pizza. I wouldn't be embarrassed to do it in front of a SO, but sharing is good and there's no way I can justify ordering and paying for another one when one should be feeding 2-3 people anyway.

Jane Jong Trenka is an amazing person.

It's not simple at all, or the UN wouldn't consider them a violation of rights. I love in a non-American city with a Babybox. No fewer babies have been left abandoned on the street. Infanticide has not decreased. And now anyone can take anyone else's baby and put it in the box (disagreeing husbands, boyfriends,…

My 82 year old grandparents recently got a call from my brother saying he had just been arrested in the Dominican Republic and needed a couple of thousand dollars for bail and to repair a light pole he had crashed a car into. Off they went to the nearest Western Union counter to wire the money. The Western Union…

Thanks for the info, I didn't know that. However, pretty sure she said something else fucked up in regard to victims, though I can't remember what it was for the life of me. Still, I'm not ready to take back the lols for this appripriator just yet.

Didn't Katy Perry call it "sour grapes" when Keisha accused their producer of sexual assaulting her? And now she's a spokesperson against sexual and domestic violence? Lolllllllllllllllllllllll.

I'm so angry the name Harper has become an it thing just as I reach child bearing peak. It's a family name and I always thought about naming my daughter that if I had one. Now I'd look like a Beckham fan. Of course, I don't want kids and have been pathetically single for years and years so it's a non-issue, but still.

*I pull envelope out of mailbox*

Yeah the three year mention was odd to me too. I had a pair of Nine West heeled Timberland knock offs. They looked exactly like Timberlands but they had a big stacked heel.

Coconut water out of a cocunut and coconut water out of a box or bottle are totally different things. It's sad that there's a whole world of people who think coconut water is meant to taste that way.

Sub Linkin Park with Limp Bizkit's "Faith" and the '95 lavender Hyundai Accent for a maroon '96 Mitsubishi Eclipse (perhaps the most quintessentially 90's car there is) and you have me. I'd cringe if it weren't so damn perfect.

Every time I hear someone exclaim "shut the front door!" in place of "shut the fuck up" a very very large piece of my soul dies.

Anyway, it seems it was originally Noo-tella in Italian. Then it started being marketed in the UK and Ireland as Nut-tella. UK friends insist that if you're an English speaker you say it the English way.

Actually I don't even know I just know "new-tell-uh" sounds dumb and my UK friends make fun of everyone who says it that way and I've never even tried the stuff so w/e.